Luke Grant:
And what else are we to do on Mother’s Day, but to have a leading child psychologist here in the studio? Adjunct fellow at the Institute of Public Affairs, and I’ve just been told a very useful mum, it’s Clare Rowe. Hi, Clare.
Clare Rowe:
Good morning, Luke.
Luke Grant:
Happy Mother’s Day to you.
Clare Rowe:
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Luke Grant:
And why are you a useful mum?
Clare Rowe:
Well, I’ve come in. It’s lovely to be in studio and I’ve got my two kids with me. I’ve dragged them in on Mother’s Day. They can come and watch what I do. They’re eight and nine years old. And I did ask my eight-year-old son, “What is the best thing about me as a mum?” And he went, “Well, you’re very useful.” And I went, “Well, he’s not wrong, hopefully.”
Luke Grant:
That’s good.
Clare Rowe:
I suppose I do do the driving around and the soccer and the dancing.
Luke Grant:
Okay. So mums listening, just run that one by if you’ve got an eight-year-old or whatever year old, “Am I useful?” And let’s tick that box.
Clare Rowe:
Let’s tick that box. At least I’m kicking that goal, but we’ll have a quiet day. I lost my mum about eight years ago.
Luke Grant:
How do you go with that?
Clare Rowe:
It feels like yesterday.
Luke Grant:
It feels like yesterday.
Clare Rowe:
It feels like yesterday. So my kids are eight and nine, so they’ve never known my mum.
Luke Grant:
Oh, wow.
Clare Rowe:
I’ve never been a mum with my mum. So there’s layers of grief of that. But we talk about Granny Karen all the time.
Luke Grant:
Do you?
Clare Rowe:
So they know about Granny Karen. That’s what she wanted to be called. And I have a wonderful… Just an indulgent shout -out. I have a wonderful stepmother who’s very important in my life and theirs.
Luke Grant:
Excellent.
Clare Rowe:
Known very affectionately as Nana Shaz.
Luke Grant:
Nana Shaz.
Clare Rowe:
Nana Shaz, if you’re listening, we love you. Happy Mother’s Day.
Luke Grant:
Oh, it’s beautiful. I lost my mum a couple of years ago and I was largely brought up in a single parent household. Me and my dad reunited and became the best of friends when I got a little bit older. And mum did a tough… She worked hard to put me through a private school. I know I made her proud because she didn’t hold back in that regard. But on a day like today, you do, you ask yourself, was I okay?
And I think I probably was, but it’s hard to say that because I really don’t know. I mean, she’d say in a heartbeat, “You’re fantastic, blah, blah, blah. Love you to death, blah, blah, blah.” But if you haven’t got your mum… I don’t know what it is. At times it’s confusing, it’s sad. And then you remember some great things. I used to say to her when she got on in years and we used to take her out for breakfast on the weekend when I wasn’t doing this, I’d say, “You know what, mum? One day, we’re going to be out here having breakfast. I’m going to pull out a handkerchief. I’m going to spit in it. I’m going to wipe that mess off your face. Like you used to do to me at the shopping centre when I was a little kid.”
I never got to do that, which is probably a very good thing. Anyway, it’s nice to be able to talk about these things with someone as expert as you. Schools and childcare centres replacing Mother’s Day with Family Day. What the actual?
Clare Rowe:
Oh, yeah. I think it’s absurd and I think it’s insulting really. I mean, part of me understands the well-intentioned move. I suppose no one wants children to feel left out if they come from different kind of family circumstances. But I think Australians have always understood that already that Mother’s Day can be in celebration of any motherly figure, whether that be an auntie or a foster parent or a stepmother or any of that.
And we don’t need this kind of bureaucratic rewrite to take that away. So, no, a mother is not offensive and celebrating mum’s one day a year should not be controversial. But I think it’s just part of… It’s this cumulative effect that we… All of these events, aren’t they? They’re kind of being sanitised and taken away from us. And if I go one step further, probably taken away from one culture in particular, there’s not other cultural events that we have to cancel or change the name of.
And at some point inclusivity just becomes this really absurd notion. And surely we are capable of being able to celebrate mums and Mother’s Day and also treat kids who may not have a traditional mother with kindness and compassion and make sure they’re okay and identify. Kids would have a maternal figure in their life they could celebrate and we don’t raise resilient kids from being able to just take away every single moment that’s a little bit uncomfortable and difficult for them.
Luke Grant:
It’s fantastic you mentioned that word resilience because as I’m hearing you talk, I’m thinking there is this section of academia or whatever it might be, perhaps even politics that assumes everything’s got to be as gentle as it can be. But if only the world was that kind and the world isn’t. The reality of an illness or anything else, these are things that with resilience we get to deal with.
It doesn’t mean let’s be nasty on a certain day, but it’s just accepting of the fact that sometimes life is tough or it sucks. And one of the great things our adaptability as a species, do we not deprive ourselves of how good that can be? How good we can be at that by trying to wash this stuff away? We do, don’t we?
Clare Rowe:
Yeah. I mean, I always say to parents, your job, you’ve got 18 years to turn out a fully functioning human in society. And that’s a hell of a lot longer than most mammal species, right? We take a long time and most of them haven’t left by 18 either. So you’ve got 18 years to do that. Now, if you turn out that 18 years year old into the future, into a world where they expect things to be accommodated to them and everything to be smoothed over, they are going to struggle. So we do.
We underestimate how much kids can and should be able to cope with sadness, with difference. And part of growing up in childhood is understanding that families come in all shapes and sizes. And every kid can find, as I said, a figure that they can celebrate and be grateful for.
Luke Grant:
Yeah, exactly. All right. More to talk about in regards to mums after this quick break.
14 to 10. It’s a Sunday sweep with the leading child psychologist adjunct fellow at the Institute of Public Affairs. Clare Rowe in the studio. And Clare, a staggering 83% of mums say their mental load is completely underestimated even on their special day. Cost of living, all those things combining here. We love to celebrate, but the reality is it’s not got any easier, has it?
Clare Rowe:
No. And the reality is for a lot of mums out there, I’m sure that they will relate listening to this. Mother’s Day is a bit of a paradox. I mean, it’s a day, yes, we want to appreciate them and there’s this kind of whole image on the Hallmark card of breakfast in bed. But for a lot of mums, they’re still the ones organising it. That’s what we call that invisible load or the mental load. There’s a lot of mums who still… They’re prompting the children, they’re coordinating lunch, they’re ringing everyone up, they’re remembering dates.
So for some mums, that cognitive load doesn’t go away. I mean, that’s particularly true. Shout out to any separated or single mothers out there who don’t have another adult in the household. I’m sure that one’s listening to this will say, “Yeah, I had to prompt the kids to make a card for me or book the lunch or I’ve done that.” That’s one side.
If you do have another adult in the house, dads out there, please, we just want someone else to organise it for us and not have to think on this one day. So a little bit of a prompting there. But that is true that mums still do a lot of that kind of cognitive load stuff and it is becoming increasingly harder economically and financially.
Luke Grant:
Blokes need that prompt. I know and I want to have this conversation with you because blokes are blokes, right? Now, I’m sitting here hearing you watching you say this and I’m going, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” But blokes are blokes. So they need to be sometimes prompted with the old Benny Hill slap on the back of the head and sometimes just a, “Hey, any chance?” Is this a cop out? Have I let you down? I’ve let you down. “This is terrible on Mother’s Day, Luke Grant.”
Clare Rowe:
Well, I think just as you say that, I agree with you, but at the same time we get annoyed that they do need the prompt because they’ll get to Thursday or Friday and think, “Oh, I should book a restaurant. And then, no, they’re all booked out by then. You need to think about these things.” I will say just a little bit of a gripe or a rant for me. Schools do a wonderful job with the Mother’s Day stall.That is an Aussie institution. I got working at 6:00 AM this morning with my gifts from the Mother’s Day store. Thanks, guys.
Luke Grant:
Isn’t that beautiful?
Clare Rowe:
That’s beautiful.
Luke Grant:
If you weren’t useful, that wouldn’t have happened.
Clare Rowe:
Correct.
Luke Grant:
[inaudible 00:13:00].
Clare Rowe:
But there is something that a lot of public and private schools do that I am so thankful my school doesn’t do for my kids. And that is the Mother’s Day breakfast. So call me cynical. There might be mums out there that disagree with me. There’s a lot of mum friends of mine that say, “You know what, Clare? It’s just another thing I’ve got to put in the calendar. I’ve got to get the kids bloody up early Friday morning at school 7:30 for a breakfast.” You know what would be great schools? A Friday night movie disco with the dads and kids.
Luke Grant:
Yes.
Clare Rowe:
Right?
Luke Grant:
Yes.
Clare Rowe:
And then you’re giving mums the Friday night off and dads are taking the kids up to school.
Luke Grant:
This is brilliant.
Clare Rowe:
That would be the Mother’s Day gift.
Luke Grant:
This is brilliant. You should be an expert on this stuff. Tell me about your piece in the Fin Review, the cost of living changing the face of how families celebrate Mother’s Day.
Clare Rowe:
Yeah. Well, there was some research that came out this year, I think by Roy Morgan, who just showed that there is an impact financially on how we’re going to celebrate this year. I was a bit surprised at those figures. It said under a third are going to spend money on a gift to mark the occasion. I don’t know if that includes, look, handmade gifts are the best still. We love a handmade card. I got two beautiful handmade cards, but this will be a consideration for people. It showed about 8% of people are going to book a restaurant.
Luke Grant:
Not many, is it?
Clare Rowe:
It’s pretty low. So it impacts the hospitality industry. I know a few people this weekend and they said, “We’re going to go for a drive. We’re going to go for a picnic. Maybe not too long a drive with petrol costs.”
Luke Grant:
Yeah, of course.
Clare Rowe:
Friends of mine are just going to go and get grab some fish and chips, but they are saying we’re going to keep it pretty low key financially, but there are things you can do that don’t cost a lot of money. And coming back to our previous point, I do think it’s true that mums don’t want expensive gifts and we want time with you, but we want you to organise that time. So, mum, I’m going to pick you up at this time. It’s all organised for you. We’re going to have a picnic. I’ve picked up a barbecue chook. That’s all we need and we’re going to go here and don’t think about a thing.
Luke Grant:
Yes.
Clare Rowe:
Perfect.
Luke Grant:
Yes.
Clare Rowe:
Perfect.
Luke Grant:
And I’ve got this [inaudible 00:15:20] and I’ve got some ice. We’re going to have such a good time.
Clare Rowe:
Lovely.
Luke Grant:
Great to see you, Clare.
Clare Rowe:
You too, Luke.
Luke Grant:
Brilliant work.
Clare Rowe:
Thank you.
Luke Grant:
Clare Rowe, adjunct fellow at the Institute of Public Affairs, leading child psychologist on The Sunday Sweep.
This transcript of Clare Rowe on Weekend Mornings with Luke Grant 2GB 10 May 2026 has been edited for clarity.
