Dressing ‘Appropriately’

Approved Halloween costumes at Yale University as determined by Next Yale

After the controversy caused when Yale faculty member Erika Christakis said students should feel free to wear whatever Halloween costume they want, we here at student activist group Next Yale have taken the liberty of laying out a pre-approved, inclusive and equal list of suggested Halloween costumes.

WHITE PRIVILEGE

Come dressed in a tuxedo, complete with top hat and walking stick. An easy pocket accessory could be a ‘Privilege Checker’ which measures your level of entitlement. Whenever a thought enters your mind that stems from your privileged upbringing, this costume also comes with a large whip with which you can routinely flagellate yourself.

AN OFFENDED PERSON

The beautiful thing about this costume is that it requires no change of wardrobe from the standard clothing of a college student—the two are indistinguishable. To complete the costume, you’re going to have to take a lot of offence at the party. Luckily, these days if 30 or more people are gathered in the same area, and alcohol is provided, the keen observer will find on average 245 things per hour to be offended by.

A DEFENDER OF FREE EXPRESSION

This costume is more expensive, but only because it comes with so many accessories! You’ll look like every defender of individual thought with this costume’s large claws, fangs, tail and custom-made sneakers to help you invade other party guests’ safe spaces without them noticing.

This costume also comes with a zipper across the mouth for other party guests to shut you up whenever they feel. Because as we all know, the correct way to handle uncomfortable speech is to use the force of the majority to silence dissent until it no longer exists.